It's a strange feeling to know that classes started today and to know that I am no longer a student. Part of me is extremely relieved, and part of me feels like I've failed. I had so many things I was going to do, so many things I wanted to accomplish with my degree. I wanted to help people, I wanted to catch criminals, I wanted to do good.
There are still people I haven't told about it because I don't know how they'll react. My father doesn't know yet. I mean, as I said before, it's not like he can have much say since he didn't really help pay for it. If I remember right, he paid for one semester and then we had our falling out and he hasn't helped with it since then. The people that have paid for it (Mom and Daddy, or my step dad. I'll be calling him Daddy from here on out. Just know there is a difference between Daddy and my father), they're okay with it. I think Daddy is a little disappointed but he knows this is what I need right now.
It's hard sometimes. You have so many expectations of your life, and then you get hit with illness and everything changes before you know what happened.
here's an idea, if you havent tried it already.. Why dont you write a letter to your father explaining you feelings and simply say i forgive u for all that you have done and i am sorry that if you felt as though i let you down but i need to concentrate my health etc... U have a choice to mail or not to mail it but this way you can kind of set yourself free
ReplyDelete