Family is forever

I'm going to start this by saying what I have said to others for years now: Just because you bring a child into this world, it doesn't mean they owe you anything. Respect is EARNED.

 I think most people with chronic pain know well enough how frustrating it is when people don't believe you're sick. I also think most would agree that it's even harder when it's family members reacting like that. And even more would agree its torture when it's your in-laws.

It's not new to know that my fiance's mother has made comments about my illness. She said shit about when I had to quit school, and she likes to tell people how I'm not disabled. I'm actually faking the whole thing to mooch off my fiance.

About 5 months ago or so, we had a huge falling out with his mom, as is evident here. She refused to accept it when he told her was done with her, and we ignored it. Until now. Ash sent her an email response to her asking about Christmas restating that until she owned up to what she had done, and tried to make amends with both of us, he was not going to see her.

He also added in that he was very upset about her telling everyone that I'm not actually sick, and that the back talking, specifically to his siblings, about me needs to STOP.

I thought for sure she was going to respond by flipping out on me. Oh boy was I wrong. The email she sent back was cruel, disgusting, and heartless. I'm not going to share the whole email, but I do want you guys to have a gander at how she began the email:

"I believe you have this backwards. You have been in trouble since you were in pre-school. You have disrupted this family, my marriage, and my life. Your actions were MAJOR problems not a casual remark. At no point had you ever apologized for your behavior. But you are my son and I forgave you."

I think it's this paragraph that makes me the angriest. How dare she? She then goes on to tell how she is so sick, and hurts all the time, but she still goes to work to support the family (that one was obviously meant for me), and how I'm going to be so much work to talk care of the older we get.

His brother sent her his own email telling her that he was sickened by the email she sent to Ash, and that he couldn't be around this negativity.

And she again spent a good portion talking about how horrible my fiance has been throughout his life.


I. am. LIVID.

Writer's block

It's really bothering me that I can't seem to break this. I want to work on my novel and I want to work on my memoir. But I can't seem to get going on it. I open up the chapters, maybe write a couple of sentences, and then stare at it for a while before I finally get so annoyed I close the window. I need to get working. You can't get your dreams if you don't do the work for it.

This is when it all really sucks.

I've had a migraine for the last 2 days. The medicine didn't work yesterday, and now I'm waiting for Asher to bring food back before I can take a second dose. And I have things to do. I need to make pumpkin bread for my friend's dinner party tomorrow night, and I need to wrap presents.

Someone got mad at me for daring to park in the handicapped parking spot. For one, my mom was with me too, and she has MS. But even if she wasn't, fuck you for assuming that just because I'm young, I'm completely able bodied. People of ALL AGES can be handicapped you prejudiced bitch.

25 years old!

It's my birthday!!! 25 years ago, I came into the world! Haha, poor mom didn't know half of what she would half to deal with. I'm so me do it, and headstrong. :p

re: neck pain

So, despite the power being out in the Walker building today, we did go through the whole appointment (she just couldn't do any computer work). And it actually went the opposite of what I thought. And I actually think she's right.

The gist is this: I have had previous neck pain with my migraines, just not to this degree. So when did the neck pain become unbearable: the last month or so. When did I go down on my Lyrica? September. Nothing else has changed. In fact, my headaches have actually been down the last couple of months.

So it all boils down to my fibromyalgia. Which is kind of depressing, because that means I have another "hot" area that is just as bad as my arms and legs.

They're going to increase the Lyrica again. Maybe not as much as before. She doesn't want to go back up to 600mg, but she wants to see if there is a happy medium. In the end, I've decided that I can handle the weight much better than I can handle this neck pain. Being chronically ill has always been about weighing out the positives and the negatives. And the neck pain is bad enough to change the game plan.

She's also going to talk with their headache psychologist (I didn't know that existed) to see if he might want to work with me or if he has someone else who might do a good job of working with me in the depression department (counseling only).

And finally, I have my neck exercises to do, and if they don't help, she'll look into full physical therapy on my neck.

Yay.

I go in to see my neurologist's nurse practitioner tomorrow about my neck. It's definitely something that needs to be done. I called last week and explained what was going on, but I don't see my doctor until January. So they told me to make an appointment with the nurse. I think what's going to end up happening is she'll look to make sure she can't see anything wrong, and then they'll get me an appointment with the spine clinic. I doubt anything will be answered tomorrow.

Lack of update

I know, it's been a while since I posted. I've been having some hard times. Now my neck has been really bad. It's been hurting, hard to move a lot, and it's been connected with my migraines now. I'm at my wits end. It's not as bad today though, so I guess I can be thankful for that.

We go to pick up 90 bottles of Martinelli's sparkling cider for the wedding today. Sam's club only sells them this time of year, and it would have been over $600 to get it from the main site. Screw that.

Still looking for someone to make my wedding skirt. I'm getting worried. :(