A Letter to my Pain

Dear Pain,

So here we are now, face to face. You have manifested in so many ways in my life. You haven’t just taken my life away from me. You wrapped your icy tendrils around my heart and destroyed what little sense of self I had left.

It’s not even the physical that hurts the most. It’s the self doubts, the lack of self-esteem, the thoughts in the middle of the night that everyone would be better off without me. Thinking that my husband deserves better; he should have gotten the smart, beautiful, driven, and successful girl and instead he got me. How is that fair?

I know that we are to be lifelong companions. It’s like a second marriage I don’t remember signing up for and I’ll never be able to get my divorce. If that’s the case, then we need to set down some ground rules.

First off, you do not need to be in my vagina, so kindly vacate that part of my body immediately.

Second, you don’t get to go on these 3 day parties in my skull anymore. We are done with that.

Third, no really, get out of my vagina.

Finally, you will no longer make me feel like less of a person, like I am useless. I am smart, I am creative, and I am a damn talented writer. Nothing you do to me can take that away from me. It’s untouchable.

I hope we will not have to have this conversation again.

Sincerely,
Emi