I hate these nights where it's like I can't escape from everything bad going on. All I can do is think about it over and over and over, and then the night ends with me sobbing on the phone with Ash.
I think the emotional part is harder to deal with than the physical. I can take a Tylenol when my legs are hurting, but a Tylenol won't do shit for depression and anxiety. And I don't know what else to do. The medicine helps but then I have these nights, and I wonder what the point is. Why do I keep doing this?
We're going to Utah on Friday and I have to say, it has me stressed. It's hard dealing with my father sometimes. There's a lot of emotional things going on, things I need to talk about, but my dad isn't the type of person to do that with. My mom isn't going to be right downstairs for me to go to.
I think the problem is that I'm such an emotional person, and my father is the exact opposite. It seems like he's able to let everything just brush off his shoulder and not affect him. Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe it's just what it looks like from the outside, but our differences create tension.
I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep.
I know it easier to say this than actually doing it.. But you know you have issues with your emotions that really lead to some major mental issues and physical issues.. You need to really detach it all.. Really look at whats causing you this pain.. Also see what really is the issue.. The Past.. The past has been having a mjor downfall for you and i can tell by your posting.. You need to really dig down and deep in your past and put it all out on the table.. Cry over it, scream about it, dance about it.. YOu need to feel comfortable however about letting it go. Your facing alot of trauma that is hurting you physically do the chronic pain.. U need to take a moment relivie it and then say even though all this stupid ficking messed up shit has happened to me iM strong as hell and i survived this far and i can further.. Honey i know you can do it.. U just have to dig down and deep and believe in yourself..
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