re: neck pain

So, despite the power being out in the Walker building today, we did go through the whole appointment (she just couldn't do any computer work). And it actually went the opposite of what I thought. And I actually think she's right.

The gist is this: I have had previous neck pain with my migraines, just not to this degree. So when did the neck pain become unbearable: the last month or so. When did I go down on my Lyrica? September. Nothing else has changed. In fact, my headaches have actually been down the last couple of months.

So it all boils down to my fibromyalgia. Which is kind of depressing, because that means I have another "hot" area that is just as bad as my arms and legs.

They're going to increase the Lyrica again. Maybe not as much as before. She doesn't want to go back up to 600mg, but she wants to see if there is a happy medium. In the end, I've decided that I can handle the weight much better than I can handle this neck pain. Being chronically ill has always been about weighing out the positives and the negatives. And the neck pain is bad enough to change the game plan.

She's also going to talk with their headache psychologist (I didn't know that existed) to see if he might want to work with me or if he has someone else who might do a good job of working with me in the depression department (counseling only).

And finally, I have my neck exercises to do, and if they don't help, she'll look into full physical therapy on my neck.

Yay.

I go in to see my neurologist's nurse practitioner tomorrow about my neck. It's definitely something that needs to be done. I called last week and explained what was going on, but I don't see my doctor until January. So they told me to make an appointment with the nurse. I think what's going to end up happening is she'll look to make sure she can't see anything wrong, and then they'll get me an appointment with the spine clinic. I doubt anything will be answered tomorrow.

Lack of update

I know, it's been a while since I posted. I've been having some hard times. Now my neck has been really bad. It's been hurting, hard to move a lot, and it's been connected with my migraines now. I'm at my wits end. It's not as bad today though, so I guess I can be thankful for that.

We go to pick up 90 bottles of Martinelli's sparkling cider for the wedding today. Sam's club only sells them this time of year, and it would have been over $600 to get it from the main site. Screw that.

Still looking for someone to make my wedding skirt. I'm getting worried. :(

Halloween 2011

So lets talk about why this Halloween completely sucked for me.

1. I was so excited about being a cat goddess... then came to find not only did the dress make me look even fatter than I already am, but all the photos of me turned out horrible because I'm basically a huge, fat, disgusting mess.

2. I sucked at making our Sahmain ritual.

3. I left my grandma's photo at Fionna's.

4. Nightmares. I had a dream last night that Ash told me that I'm disgusting and huge and it's all my fault because I'm a lazy bitch..

So now I'm just thinking of telling him he might as well apologize to his mother, because she was right. I've ballooned up.

And I don't know that I can get married like this. I'll hate my photos forever.

The common cold

Sorry I've been kind of MIA lately. Asher and I both caught the cold that is going around, and it's HORRIBLE. I got in on Thursday, and I'm STILL sick.

I see you

I think one of the hardest parts about having chronic problems/illnesses, for me personally, is when people can see it. When other people are able to see something is going on. And that's funny because it can be so frustrating for people to use "but you don't look sick!" against you, but for some reason it really bothers me.

I like to be able to keep people from seeing it. I don't want the people in my everyday life seeing that I'm in pain or that something is wrong. And now multiple people are seeing a change in my responses (the emotional side of it all), and it bothers me.

Do you let it stop you from living, or do you just give into it and whither away?

 I never let it get to that point because it seems like once you step beyond that line, it's hard to go back. I have times where I have to remind myself what I need to do, and why it's worth it to keep going. I think you really have to be proactive about chugging along because it's easy to just want to quit. So I tell myself it's time to get up and go do something. It's time to work on wedding stuff. It's time to work out. There's still a life to life.


What kinds of things make it easier for you to manage/cope/deal with the pain?

 My family, definitely. Being able to sit and chat and laugh with Asher or with my mom makes it a little more bearable. The cats help a lot too. It's nice to have that unconditional love when you're having a bad day. They know instantly and come up to give me love. Watching comedy, writing, and just thinking of other things. 


And when all else fails, sleep.