Plan B Formulating...

You should always expect there to be hiccups along the road. So it would seem we've hit the first of our little snags.

One being that my doctor (the rheumatologist) can't do math. Mom said she's met a lot of doctors who can't do math. It doesn't make them a bad doctor, just a bad script writer. So I had to call up to Cleveland Clinic to try and sort it out and get a new prescription because if I use his, then I'll run out of Lyrica completely within a week and a half, and I'm left SOL.

They said yesterday they would get it taken care of and called in to CVS, so we'll see in about a half hour if they succeeded.

The second is these damn migraines. I finally came to the conclusion what I should have done from the beginning: save the migraine medications for last. Go off of everything else, and then go off those, because then it's a much shorter amount of time I might have to deal with the constant headaches.

Oh fertility goddesses, please give me your blessing that in pregnancy I will have no migraines. After everything else I have gone through, that small kindness will be much appreciated. So mote it be.

Ice and Fire

I've run into a bit of a conundrum. In going off of the Ultram, the cramps in my legs and arms have been horrible. In going off a couple of the things needed to help my migraines, I've been having them almost nonstop. So I of course have to start thinking about what will help.

Ice. Ice is great for the migraines. Not so great for the rest of my body. It makes the cramps worse, and I can't regulate my body temperature very well anymore so my whole body gets cold. My feet and hands are unbearable when I have the ice on my body.

And then there is heat. Heat is great for my body. It eases out the cramps, lets my body relax. Sure I get flushed and then need to rest afterward, and to be careful to not pass out. But it's worth it.

Buuuuut... it's horrible for the migraines.

I now have to plan how I do all of this very carefully, and many times I'm left sitting there thinking about how unfair it is, because really, what other methods have been left to my disposal that I can do for myself?

I guess the question really comes down to which pain can I live with better? I just hate that I have to choose.

Pre-conception appointment

So, we saw a doctor yesterday at Maternal Fetal Medicine at the Cleveland Clinic. I went in with my list of medications and made sure we were up to date, and then we started in. So I'm going to make a list and talk about them.

Lyrica - 300mg - 2 times a day - Fibromyalgia

• Personal decision; she has worked with patients who stayed on their Lyrica throughout the pregnancy.
• Best if I am off it for the first trimester and then if I am really not handling well, then she can start weaning me back on in the second trimester.
• This made me feel so much better about all of this!!!

Fludrocortisone (steroid) - 0.1mg - 2 in the morning - Tachycardia (POTS)

• She said to stay away from all steroids.
• This can cause cleft palette if taken during pregnancy.

Amerge - 2.5 mg - 1 as needed - Migraines

• Go off of
• Can cause high blood pressure
• Can make the babies really small

Diclofenac - 50mg - 1 to 2 as needed - Migraines

• Go off of
• This can cause issues with the kidneys in the baby
• Can also cause the pre-mature closure of a blood vessel in the baby's heart that it needs.

Vistaril - 4mg - 1 by mouth up to 3 times a day as needed - Anxiety

• This is okay to be on since it's really just a hyped up version of Benedryl, but this can't be taken with unisom.

Tramadol - 50mg - once a day - Fibromyalgia

• Must go off of.
• Babies can be born with a tolerance and go through withdrawl.

Vitamin D - 2000iu - once a day - Vitamin D deficiency

• Fine as long as the levels don't get too high.

Ativan - 0.5mg - 4 times a day - Anxiety

• Go off of
• Can cause dependency in baby
• Can also cause cleft palette

Ambien - 10mg - 1 at bedtime - Insomnia

• Personal choice. Might be better to try and use a lower dose.

Trazodone - 50mg - 2 at bedtime - Insomnia

• Not well studied, but she said if it was absolutely necessary for me, then I should use it.

Ginko Biloba - 120mg - once a day - Depression

• Don't take.

Tylenol - 325mg - 2 as needed (no more than 8 a day) - Pain/Fibromyalgia

• Perfectly fine!

Cymbalta - 60mg - 2 in morning - Depression/Fibromyalgia

• Personal choice; I have to look at the cost vs. the benefit of it.
• Very low risk of hole in heart (0.5%)

Fibercon - 2 pills a day - Irritable Bowel (IBS)

• Perfectly fine.

CO-Q-10 - 100mg - 2 a day -Migraines

• Go off.

Magnesium - 250mg - 1 a day - Migraines

• Perfectly fine

B2 - 100mg - 2 times a day - Migraines

• My migraine doctor said to go off of it, but this doctor said it should be fine. It's water soluble and will mostly go out with the urine. 

Prenatal Vitamin - 1 a day - Nutrition/Fibromyalgia

• Very good!!!

B12 - 1000mg - once a day - B12 deficiency

• This is fine, but she wanted to get my levels checked so she ordered a blood test for that. As long as the levels are normal, then continue to use.

Bentyl - 10mg - 1 capsule up to 3 times a day as needed - IBS

• Probably shouldn't take.

Petadolex - 75mg - 2 a day - Migraines

• Go off of.

Docusate Sodium (Colace) - 100mg - 1 a day - IBS/Constipation

• Very good! In fact, it might be wise to take a little more or something slightly stronger in pregnancy to help keep the bowels moving.

Albuterol HFA (inhaler) - 2 puffs as needed - Asthma

• Perfectly fine.

She said that she doesn't feel it's fair to ask a woman to go off of ALL of her medications, especially when I have so many depression issues. In the end she made me feel a lot better about all of it. I feel like I can do this!

Asher asked about his ADHD. She said there's a 50% chance of a son ending up with it, 25% for a girl. We'll just have to wait and see. 

But she thought it was very smart that we wanted to come in before we got pregnant to go over all of this and to start getting off of it.

Next week, I see my rheumatologist and I will ask for the doses of Lyrica to start going off of it. I will post more then!

Pros and cons

So, as per usual I haven't talked a lot about what is going on right now, so before we go into tomorrow, I just wanted to say thatAsh and I are going to be trying to conceive soon.

Tomorrow we go to Maternal Fetal Medicine at Cleveland Clinic for a pre-conception appointment. Basically what that is is a high risk pregnancy office where they specialize in pregnancies with moms taking certain medications, with certain issues and illnesses, and so on.

The hope is that they will tell us exactly what medications I would have to go off of, what medications we can use in their place, and what we can do to try and make this as good of a pregnancy as possible despite all of my health issues.

It's terrifying, to be honest. I want children, but I also feel that it's possible that this time I just won't have the strength for it. It's very possible we'll go in tomorrow and they will say that they don't think I'll be able to do it. Or a month in to going off the meds, it will be so bad that I won't be able to function or get out of bed.

I don't know yet. But we're taking that first step.

Suicide is Expensive

So, I thought I would share how much my Emergency Room/ICU/IV Fluids/Labs all together cost $41,543.50.

This doesn't even include the psych ward stay. That was somewhere from $8-$15k.

And for the first time since I got this insurance: it's not on us to pay any of it.

Thank the gods.

After The Attempt (A story of a suicide attempt)

Don't Order the Headstone Yet

I'm sure most people didn't really notice, but a few did: I was offline from Friday evening to Tuesday afternoon. It wasn't because I wanted time away from the internet or because I went on a nice vacation.

Friday night I took 50 Tylenol PM in a suicide attempt.

I am extremely lucky to be alive. We got the ambulance there not long after I did it, and they gave me charcoal to drink. I was in the ICU for about 3 days with IVs and a catheter in. Then I was moved over to the psych ward on Monday and was there until Wednesday (so ~3 days in the ICU, and 3 in the Psych ward.)

I am going to be making a video to answer any questions people may have. I thought that would be better than just typing it up.

So, please put your questions here, or on Facebook or Google+ and I will be making that soon.

I am thankful to still be alive.